Ever since moving to Jacksonville, I have literally felt that I have had NOTHING to do. I'm not taking classes. I am not working. I am not spending time with friends and family aside from with my husband. I have felt that I have very little purpose in life. Now, it is sort of a tricky situation because in my mind, I know that I do, in fact, have a purpose in life. In my mind I know that God has a purpose for me. In my mind I know that there is a reason for my being where I am both in location and in life. The problem? My heart wasn't in it. Or at least not all the time. My mind has known for a very long time that I have a purpose but my heart didn't believe it. Since my emotional revelation as I was cooking dinner three nights ago, I think that I have felt a little bit better though it is definitely still a battle. It is a battle against sin. It is a battle against the ultimate trickster who knows exactly what my weaknesses are and will do everything in his power to use those weaknesses to draw me away from God. And you know what? I didn't even know what was happening to me! Satan is sleek. He is discreet when he wants to be. He is scary. He is smart which makes him even more scary. I hate the thought that he was working to ruin my relationship with Christ and I didn't even know it for months. I hate the thought that my reluctant heart was allowing room for the deceiver to try to squeeze in. I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying and reading the Bible since I began to realize what was going on in my life. Probably still not as much as I should but I am learning to do it more often... Over the course of just a few days, I think that my heart has taken some large steps toward believing what my mind already knows about having purpose in life. I would like to share some of my thoughts now.
I have a purpose in life. My purpose is to seek God and to seek His word so that I may come to know Him more (2 Chronicles 7:14, Acts 17:26-27, Colossians 3:17,1 Chronicles 16:11, Psalm 40:16). My purpose is to love him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30). My purpose is to love and encourage others because He first loved me (Mark 12:31, 1 John 4:19-21, Hebrews 10:24-25). My purpose is to be a devoted, loving, submissive, kind, and respectful wife (Ephesians 5:22-24,Proverbs 12:4, I Corinthians 13:1-13, Titus 2:5). My purpose is to live my life in such a way that it reflects his light to the lost and to be a fisher of men (Matthew 4:19, Matthew 5:16, Mark 16:15). I heard a sermon around Christmas time that recently came back to my mind. The sermon was about the birth of Jesus. How does this tie into my topic today, you may ask? Well, the sermon was about how the birth of Jesus gave purpose and meaning to the lives of everyone else. The life of Jesus gave purpose to all life. This may be hard to comprehend and I don't even think that I can explain it effectively. But because Jesus was born and because he lives, we will always have purpose in our lives. First and foremost is to know and love Him. Then we are to share our knowledge and our love with others. All of the aforementioned points are just part of everyone's purpose in life. Beyond that, I don't really know but I do not need to know right now. I just need to trust that God knows what he is doing and live my life in a way that reflects Him. My feeling of purposelessness and sadness is not going to disappear over night. I'm going to stumble and fall short like we all do but I know that God will be there to pick me up when I fall. He'll always help me to get back on the path to righteousness.