Yep! We are going to be moving to Jacksonville, NC in just a few weeks and I could not be more excited! I am so ready to just hop in the car and go. But... I have to go to Texas and get my husband first! So, it has been a while since my last post so to bring my readers up to date, I have now driven to San Angelo twice to visit Cameron. The first trip was back in September. The drive was a little bit scary but the trip was uneventful overall. I survived driving and finally met up with my husband on a Friday evening. I was so excited that I could hardly contain it! We spent the entire weekend talking and laughing and walking along the river in San Angelo. I loved it and loved getting to spend some much needed time with my husband. When the time came for me to drop Cameron off at the base and head back to the hotel for a lonely night before driving back to Kansas, I did not want to let go. Watching him walk away is one of the worst feelings ever and driving for ten hours alone the next day is not much better. Back at the hotel, I had an overwhelming desire to just flee. I did not want to leave my husband but I wanted to get away from the lonely feeling that haunted me in the hotel room that night. Knowing that being with Cameron was not an option, I wanted to be home where I could get back into a routine and make time go by as quickly as possible and start counting down the days until I would get to be with him again.
We were hoping for the second weekend in October. I waited (rather impatiently) for that whole week to find out if I would get to go. I went to Wichita to stay with my sister-in-law the Thursday night before I was supposed to be leaving but the call did not come until around 4:00pm on THE DAY that I was supposed to leave. At that point, I had been playing a board game with my other sister-in-law who had been visiting. But of course I dropped everything and hopped in the car as soon as I heard the news. I drove straight through all the way to Texas, stopping only once to fill up with gas. I made it to the hotel where Cameron had been waiting for me around 1:00 in the morning. That weekend was just as good as the first only we had an extra day because it was a three-day weekend. Talk about excitement! We did some shopping, walked along the river again, played Ticket to Ride, and spent some time with one of Cameron's Marine friends and his wife who was also visiting for the weekend. I loved every second of it. Until it came time for me to leave again. Because of my experience the first time that I came to visit, Cameron and I decided that I would drive to Abilene and stay at a hotel there for the night. Leaving him was not any easier. It hurts every time. I cry every time. Even when I know that I will get to see him again somewhat soon. Staying in Abilene was still lonely.
Now it has been almost a month since I have seen Cameron. I hate all of the waiting and sometimes I wonder how I have survived for so long without him. I think that something that I struggle with is being too dependent on people (especially my husband) when I should be relying on God. That is one of the things that I have learned throughout all of this and have consistently been battling since Cameron left. I love my husband with all my heart but it is not that I CAN'T live without him (though it certainly seems like it at times!). It is that I don't WANT to. When I start feeling depressed, I have to remind myself that God is there and that I am not alone. I have to remember that no matter what, He will see us through. Reading Psalms helps me very much with this because it gives me something to be joyful about. I have so much to be thankful for.
I am not going to say that time is flying by but it is going at an average rate for the most part. Which is a silly thing to say because time always passes at the same rate but that is besides the point. The point is that it is not dragging too badly though there are definitely still some days that I think will never end. We are getting so close to the end. We now know where we are going to be stationed and I am going to be heading to Texas again next week! The plan is to head out on Friday and then I will spend the whole weekend with Cameron. But here is the thing, because my wonderful husband is going to be graduating that week, I will get to stay in Texas all week long! And here is the best part; when I head back to Kansas the following Friday, I will not be alone! I will not have to say good bye. I will not have to cry as I watch my husband walk away. I will not have to drive for ten hours with nothing but the radio and my thoughts to keep me company... I will have my husband with me! We will be driving back to Kansas together where we will be spending a couple of weeks before we begin the next phase of our journey together in North Carolina.
At the time being, I am still working at the college bookstore and am now living with Cameron's parents. But not for long! If I was ready to move before, I am even more ready now! I can't wait. I have been looking at houses, researching the area, looking up churches, and basically just been trying to get as much information as I possibly can. I can't wait to start a new life (once again) with my husband. I look forward to having a house of our own and being able to cook meals and do wife-like things. Sometimes it seems like the time will never get here but time cannot stand still. It will get here eventually. Until then, I will be waiting. While it is not easy to be apart, I am so thankful to have such a wonderfully kind, loving, and godly husband. :)
We were hoping for the second weekend in October. I waited (rather impatiently) for that whole week to find out if I would get to go. I went to Wichita to stay with my sister-in-law the Thursday night before I was supposed to be leaving but the call did not come until around 4:00pm on THE DAY that I was supposed to leave. At that point, I had been playing a board game with my other sister-in-law who had been visiting. But of course I dropped everything and hopped in the car as soon as I heard the news. I drove straight through all the way to Texas, stopping only once to fill up with gas. I made it to the hotel where Cameron had been waiting for me around 1:00 in the morning. That weekend was just as good as the first only we had an extra day because it was a three-day weekend. Talk about excitement! We did some shopping, walked along the river again, played Ticket to Ride, and spent some time with one of Cameron's Marine friends and his wife who was also visiting for the weekend. I loved every second of it. Until it came time for me to leave again. Because of my experience the first time that I came to visit, Cameron and I decided that I would drive to Abilene and stay at a hotel there for the night. Leaving him was not any easier. It hurts every time. I cry every time. Even when I know that I will get to see him again somewhat soon. Staying in Abilene was still lonely.
Now it has been almost a month since I have seen Cameron. I hate all of the waiting and sometimes I wonder how I have survived for so long without him. I think that something that I struggle with is being too dependent on people (especially my husband) when I should be relying on God. That is one of the things that I have learned throughout all of this and have consistently been battling since Cameron left. I love my husband with all my heart but it is not that I CAN'T live without him (though it certainly seems like it at times!). It is that I don't WANT to. When I start feeling depressed, I have to remind myself that God is there and that I am not alone. I have to remember that no matter what, He will see us through. Reading Psalms helps me very much with this because it gives me something to be joyful about. I have so much to be thankful for.
I am not going to say that time is flying by but it is going at an average rate for the most part. Which is a silly thing to say because time always passes at the same rate but that is besides the point. The point is that it is not dragging too badly though there are definitely still some days that I think will never end. We are getting so close to the end. We now know where we are going to be stationed and I am going to be heading to Texas again next week! The plan is to head out on Friday and then I will spend the whole weekend with Cameron. But here is the thing, because my wonderful husband is going to be graduating that week, I will get to stay in Texas all week long! And here is the best part; when I head back to Kansas the following Friday, I will not be alone! I will not have to say good bye. I will not have to cry as I watch my husband walk away. I will not have to drive for ten hours with nothing but the radio and my thoughts to keep me company... I will have my husband with me! We will be driving back to Kansas together where we will be spending a couple of weeks before we begin the next phase of our journey together in North Carolina.
At the time being, I am still working at the college bookstore and am now living with Cameron's parents. But not for long! If I was ready to move before, I am even more ready now! I can't wait. I have been looking at houses, researching the area, looking up churches, and basically just been trying to get as much information as I possibly can. I can't wait to start a new life (once again) with my husband. I look forward to having a house of our own and being able to cook meals and do wife-like things. Sometimes it seems like the time will never get here but time cannot stand still. It will get here eventually. Until then, I will be waiting. While it is not easy to be apart, I am so thankful to have such a wonderfully kind, loving, and godly husband. :)